Diary of a vehicle registration renewal

My favorite pro-Abu Dhabi propaganda magazine, Abu Dhabi Week, once published a page entitled "Diary of a Vehicle Registration Renewal" which painted the hideous process in pretty colors and made it all honey and lavender:

Diary of a vehicle registration renewal

Thursday, 07 October 2010 15:44

Last week I realised my vehicle registration was about to expire. It was with fear and trepidation I made plans to renew. Armed with a satchel of documents I choose Monday to tackle the dreaded task:

9am: Arrive at vehicle registration centre on 27th Street between 2nd/Airport Road and 4th/Muroor Road. Rejoice over the sparse number of cars waiting outside the vehicle inspection bays.

9.01am: Discover satellite offices for seven major insurance companies inside the vehicle registration office: ADNIC, Al Ain Ahlia, Al Dhafra, Emirates, Al Khazna, Al Wathba and Takaful. Dance jig on spot.

9.15am: New insurance policy in hand, pay for vehicle inspection at the ladies counter. Dumbfounded to discover have incurred no traffic fines since last year, but still cheeky enough to envy those with cars younger than three years old who get to skip the inspection altogether.

9.17am: Pull directly into inspection bay without delay. Give receipt and old registration card to inspector and go inside to wait.

9.23am: Barely get comfortable before inspector waves for me to come park my car and collect my inspection report.

9.25am: Return to ladies section, present inspection report, passport copy, new insurance policy,
old registration card and AED 105. Ask if letter from employer is still required (it was last year) only to hear kind police woman say, “No, no need.” Complete one full back-flip.

9.30am: Tuck new registration card away, stash new registration sticker in pocket and turn cartwheels out the door, amazed and deeply pleased at how quick this once painful process has become.
Laura Fulton

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And here's a less glorified version of what probably happens on daily basis:

12pm: arrive at vehicle registration center, park at the end of the shortest line of cars and leave my car and husband in scorching heat while I go inside and pay aed120 for a comprehensive test

12.05: after asking 3 different employees about where to pay for the test and not getting a proper answer, locate the Ladies Only section. Take my ticket and wait. Watch as a woman in abaya and her husband in dishdash spend the next 10 minutes chatting with one of the 2 employees. (Once an Emirati "printer girl" whose sole job was to print documents, saw the Frenchie's pilot uniform and asked how much money he makes, then revealed that her salary was even higher... )

12.15: Approach an angry looking lady in abaya, without saying a word she points to the door. "you mean I need to pay outside?" "Yes." Okay then. 

12.16: Interrupt guys chatting behind the ADNEC window outside. He turns around and says: "no, go to Ladies Section". Feel my blood simmer a little. "I was just in the Ladies section and she told me to come to you". "No, pay in Ladies Section".

12.17: Find the husband skillful in dealing with idiots. Drag him to the Ladies Section and hear the abaya scream: "Ladies only! Ladies only!". Apparently the guy in dishdash who was there just minutes ago is a hermaphrodite. "Where do we pay for inspection?", "Outside!"

12.19: Husband talks to the same guy outside.

12.19.05: The guy asks for my car registration and aed120. (it's a miracle!)

12.20: go sit in the car with windows covered wth newspaper and AC on full.

12.35: My turn comes, the inspector is all smiles, handle over my keys and go wait inside the smelly room full of staring men who don't know the word "deodorant".

12.45: Park the car in the lot, pick up the inspection slip from the inspector and go back to the Ladies Section to pay for registration renewal. 

12.46: get the ticket and wait in line

1.05: Handle over all documents and money to another lady in abaya. She chats in Arabic to her colleague and tells me that I need an inspection report. "Where do I get it?", "Outside".  ok.. 

1.06: ask two guys outside same question, "where do I get an inspection report". They point fingers to the desk on the other side of the room. 

1.08: Get the report that reads: "FAILED", feel blood boil and start laughing nervously. My car failed the test for two reasons: "right front break tube leaking" and "wash car to check paint"...

1.09: Locate the husband drinking coffee and reading paper in a quite corner, relay the "news" and watch his blood boil :).  

1.10: Drive back to Dubai having wasted half a day and achieved NOTHING. 

Eid at last

Holly molly, is it finally time to eat Eid? August was a one long month of seclusion while the Muslims fasted and the non-Muslims took their food and liquids in public bathrooms and behind closed doors. Such is life in Dubai during Ramadan.

I always wondered how does this country manage to sustain itself when it virtually shuts down for a whole month? I tried to renew my car registration last week and realized that the department of transport in Abu Dhabi doesn't even stay open long enough for me to make it down there from Dubai. Then I imagined how there is probably just one person left on duty and a line wrapping around the building. That person is angry to be the only one made to work and is taking an hour-long break every 15 minutes. So by my calculations if I camped out in the parking lot every night I could maybe get my car registered in a week. But then there was the danger of not making it before everyone left on a 5-day holiday. I decided to instead pay a fine for late registration and postpone my needs until the country becomes normal again.

The other day I came down to our pool and noticed a family of about 8 splashing around, kids screaming along with their mother in her burkini and several grown-up men chasing each other in a kiddy pool. Now this was around 10 at night, the time when most kids in the States are sound asleep, but time has a different meaning here in Dubai. Not to mention that I've never seen these guys here before, but I figured they must be a new family in the building.

Then more people started coming, a line formed around the tennis court and those waiting for their turn started jumping into the pool in their underwear. Gross! Apparently our building security also had a 5-day holiday so there was no one on duty and the entire neighborhood got a free pass. I sat on the edge of the pool waiting for some space to clear out so I could do a few laps, but thirty minutes later a strange looking film appeared on the surface of the water. I gave up and went back home, making a mental note to keep my mouth closed next time I get to swim.